I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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