apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
