weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my phone needs a breathalizer
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
