Where did you get a picture of my penis
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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