Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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