i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
