goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
