This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
