i love accidental penises.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
