LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
