You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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