Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
