Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
