he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
