your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
