Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
