Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
