Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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