U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
