Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
