Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
