I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
