I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
