DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
