For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
