girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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