well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
