Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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