I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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