You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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