I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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