I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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