Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
