are you still at the devil's house?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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