Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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