Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
