I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
