so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
