I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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