im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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