I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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