i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
