We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
