Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
