Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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