saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
