New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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