i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
