I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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