I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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