I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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