I skipped work to stalk him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
