I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
