yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
