So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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