Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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