I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
