his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
