This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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