All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize