I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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