you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
