ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
