A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
