Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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