Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
