And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
