She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
worst night to have a conscience
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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