i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
